Has bad dating advice left you feeling vulnerable?
There is no shortage of dating advice out there from friends and family but what you need is a Singles Social Club – I’m talking a real life experience. Until you have the chance to enjoy a wonderful event with like-minded people.
The problem though is much of the advice you’ve recieved has been mistaken and based on personal experiences and opinions, rather than actual research about relationships. Below, I take on five common pieces of dating advice that are misguided or flat-out wrong.
This why you need a Social Club! Research shows that a lot of popular dating wisdom is wrong.
When You Meet The Right Person, You’ll Know Right Away.
One comforting piece of advice is that when the right person comes along, you’ll just magically know.
Maybe you’ll even experience love at first sight. Unfortunately for those romantics out there, the evidence suggests that there’s no magic. In a series of studies, Paul Eastwick and colleagues tracked people’s memories of various relationship experiences across the entire course of their relationships, both short-term and long-term. They found that early in a relationship, the timing of various relationship milestones (e.g., first kiss, first sexual encounter) and the strength of people’s feelings toward their partner was the same for both short and long-term relationships.
It was only later on that the researchers saw differences between relationships that lasted and relationships that eventually fizzled.
If You’re Interested In Someone, Play Hard To Get.
Many relationship advice books tell women that they should play hard to get if they hope to attract a man. According to this strategy, men like what they can’t have, so a woman should act uninterested in the man she desires.
Girls think that playing hard to get will make a guy like them, and being too available will turn him off. This isn’t true. Waiting a certain amount of time before texting him back and pretending to be busy when you’re not doesn’t get a guy to like you, it gets a guy to chase you. The problem with the chase is that it creates the illusion of having chemistry.
Focus On Putting Your Best Foot Forward Until You’re Firmly Committed.
Some dating advice suggests that the courtship experience should be approached as a game with the end goal of snagging a partner: Carefully monitor your behavior and the impression that you create in order to win the prize of a committed relationship. It’s true that first impressions matter and that you should generally be on good behavior on your early dates. Opening up too soon is generally viewed as socially inappropriate and is likely to turn someone off. But sometimes this advice goes too far.
Opposites attract, so try to find someone really different than you.
People often claim that opposites attract. Studies have found that people are
more likely to be attracted to and pursue romantic relationships with
individuals who are more like themselves across a broad range of personal
characteristics, including age, religion , political orientation, and certain
aspects of intelligence . Consider the 2014 research paper in which an international team of economists found that better-educated people tend to
marry other better-educated people—while individuals with less formal
schooling tend to partner with people of comparable educational levels.
Generally speaking, it appears, birds of a feather romantically flock together.
You’ll Only Meet Liars And Weirdoes If You Date Online.
Many people believe that everybody lies online. Online daters do sometimes
lie about their age and physical appearance. However, research shows that
extreme lies are rare because people who are looking to develop relationships
with those they meet online realize that such lies will eventually be revealed,
and when they are, it would likely spell the end of the relationship. There is
also a stereotype that people who use online dating are desperate because
they are unable to get a date “in real life.” Contrary to this picture, research
shows that there are almost no personality differences between people who
date online and those who don’t. In fact, one study found that people who met
their spouses online were more likely to be of higher socioeconomic status
than those who met offline. When you’re on the dating market, be yourself,
don’t chase after your polar opposite, don’t expect to instantly know if you’ve
found “the one,” and don’t be afraid to try online dating.